#38: The Privilege of Pain - From Mormon Mommy Vlogger to Convicted Abuser

Beyond the Filter: 5 Chilling Truths from Shari Franke’s "The House of My Mother"

On the morning of August 30, 2023, the quiet, manicured cul-de-sac in Springville, Utah, surrendered its suburban silence to the violence of a police raid. For years, this neighborhood had been the backdrop for the 8 Passengers YouTube empire, a digital cathedral of "wholesome" LDS values viewed by millions. But as SWAT teams breached the threshold of a $5 million fortress, the oldest daughter, Shari Franke, stood amidst the flashing lights and splintering wood to post a single, devastating word to Instagram: FINALLY.

In her harrowing memoir, The House of My Mother, Franke deconstructs the autopsy of a family unit co-opted by the twin engines of social media commodification and theological gaslighting. It is a sophisticated, deeply insightful look into the "relatable problem" of our age: the total collapse of the boundary between private life and marketable performance. Franke reveals that when a family’s "divine purpose" is filtered through the lens of a predatory life coach, the resulting image isn't just a lie—it is a prison.

Here are five chilling truths from Franke’s account of life behind the digital facade.

1. The "Truman Show" Effect: The Commodification of the Domestic Sphere

Franke exposes how the transition from a private household to a "curated window" transformed her siblings into cost centers rather than human beings. Under her mother Ruby’s management, the home became a soundstage where every family outing—from ice cream trips to amusement parks—was calculated as a "tax write-off." This financial structure created an environment where private struggles were mined as "content gold," incentivizing the parents to lean into conflict for the sake of AdSense revenue.

This commodification of childhood led to a psychological trap where Shari felt she could only "leverage" her parents’ attention when the cameras were rolling. If she wanted a new outfit or permission to see friends, her best bet was to ask while being filmed, making her childhood a permanent negotiation with a brand. Perhaps most egregious was the "Mom Tax"—a 10% management fee Ruby levied on Shari’s own YouTube earnings, a stark reminder that even a child's labor was subject to maternal grift.

"Little did I know then that 'normal' was a luxury we had already left far behind."

2. The Theological Gaslight: "Adulation" as a Sin

The memoir’s most disturbing psychological insights involve the arrival of Jodi Hildebrandt and her "ConneXions" program. Hildebrandt implemented an insidious linguistic architecture designed to dismantle the self, centered on the binary of "Truth" versus "Distortion." In this system, any form of healthy self-esteem was pathologized as "adulation"—a distortion rooted in pride. To find "vulnerability," Shari was instructed to "self-denigrate," effectively being taught that feeling good about herself was a spiritual failure.

This psychological warfare extended to Hildebrandt’s chilling view of infancy. She preached a doctrine of emotional austerity, suggesting that even a baby's cry was an act of tactical entitlement that required "training" rather than comfort.

"A baby cries because it’s entitled and it knows someone will come running because it believes that the world revolves around them and their needs. Unless you train it not to be entitled, you’re just reinforcing that behavior in them."

3. The Architecture of Isolation: The Apocalypse Collective

Hildebrandt’s "Rings of Responsibility" were used as a surgical tool to sever the family’s external support systems. Under the guise of maintaining "Truth," Ruby was manipulated into cutting off the extended Griffiths family, neighbors, and "distorted" friends. This systemic isolation culminated in what Franke calls the "Final Invasion," where Hildebrandt moved into the Franke home, eventually occupying Shari’s own bedroom.

The memoir details a descent into a literal "Apocalypse Collective." Ruby and Jodi became obsessed with the doomsday text Visions of Glory, stockpiling bags of antibiotics from Mexican pharmacies and recording trances involving visions of walking on water or riding a lion named Charles into heaven. These "revelations" were kept in the "Pen Papers," a leather binder intended to become new scripture. The $5 million home, once a symbol of influencer success, became a sterile, soulless bunker.

"For all its grandeur, the house felt oddly sterile. Spacious yet confining, modern yet soulless. A house built for show, not for living."

4. The "Beanbag" Scandal and the Ethics of "Object Lessons"

As Ruby retreated further into Hildebrandt’s bunker of delusion, her parenting shifted from strict to sadistic. The memoir recounts the infamous "beanbag incident," where Shari’s brother Chad was deprived of a bed for 210 nights—a punishment framed as a "natural outcome" of his behavior.

Ruby replaced physical discipline with psychological "object lessons," such as threatening to behead a child’s stuffed animal to teach a lesson on empathy. Franke reflects on the terrifying reality that public "cancellation" only served to validate Ruby’s victim complex; the outcry was framed by Hildebrandt as persecution from a "distorted" world, causing the family to double down on their abusive practices rather than seek reform.

5. The Ninth Passenger: Digital Deception and Private Hypocrisy

The memoir reaches its climax with the exposure of the profound hypocrisy at the heart of the ConneXions era. While Ruby and Jodi preached "Truth" to their digital audience, they lived in a state of constant "digital deception." They blurred backgrounds on Zoom calls to hide the fact that Jodi had moved in and maintained a public "anti-queer" stance that stood in stark contrast to their private behavior.

Franke describes a "mischievous" shift in the house dynamic, discovering her bedroom had been transformed into what felt like a "honeymoon suite" for the two women, complete with lavender massage oils and candlelit sessions. Shari recounts the surreal experience of seeing her mother sneak out of Jodi’s room in the early morning hours—a "ninth passenger" in their family life that the public never saw. Ultimately, the memoir serves as a sobering reminder that "intelligence is no defense" against such manipulation, noting how even Shari's professor father was reduced to a shell of himself, serving a system built on lies.